I'm feeling quite depressed, sad and vulnerable these days. I've been trying so hard not to feel this way. In doing so, I stopped doing things that I really enjoyed doing or really want to do, like writing here.
Sometimes I just try to push away the things that are bothering me or hurting my heart. I try to ignore them and hope that they will just go away. The problem is, it never really goes away. You can pretend all you want, but it's still there. Waiting. To.Jump.Out.At.You.When.You.Least.Expect.IT.
Or it simmers.....stews.....sits there, watching you.....waiting until you are feeling good and then WHAM it creeps back up on you and you feel like your choking to death.
Things right now are choking me.
My youngest son is sick and now they think he may be having mini-seizures. We have to go to a neurologist next week. I have made many friends there and they seem to accept me. Not that I'm not accepted in the location I work now, it's just I'm more like the people in TN. Not sure if that makes any sense at all.
Marriage....well.....honestly, things are better, on the surface. We don't fight anymore....we just don't communicate. I no longer tell him when something has upset me or argue about certain things. I just keep my mouth shut. IT seems to work right now. And, he really is trying, in some ways, to make things better. I know he's trying not to be an ass and to do more things to help out...but still...it's just not quite right. I made the decision to stay and make it work, so I really am trying to do just that.
The weather also depresses me. Rain, rain and more rain. It's like the heavens are crying.
shit, gotta go...more later
Work is crazy. I can't seem to get anything done. I can't seem to focus or function like I should. Yet, somehow I end up getting things done. I went to TN last week for two days last week and once again, I feel at home there.
7:25 p.m. - September 07, 2004
Recent entries:
December 05, 2013
Hello there - long time no see
January 05, 2010
An update.........
March 13, 2004
Crazy as always
January 30, 2009
Dumps
January 29, 2009
Sadness.....
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