I thought of you today. I think it was the song I heard on the radio this morning. "Ohhh, that smell, can't you smell that smell."
Actually I thought of you last week, when someone ask me a question and I answered it and it was about you, and how you always ask me to be your girl. How you always wanted me to go out with you, to give US a chance and how I never would.
I remember how we used to spend so much time together. How we would spend the night together, you on one end of the couch, me on the other. How you used to to take care of me when I was sick...how you were always the one there, letting me lean on you when things were bad.
I still remember your firey red hair and how it was so curly. I remember how you looked in your work uniform or how you would take the keys from me when I'd had too much to drink. And I remember how you wanted to kill my boyfriend at the time for making me walk five miles, alone, in the dark because he wouldn't let me use the phone to have someone come get me.
I still remember your smile and how your eyes lit up when you laughed. Or how it felt to hold your hand and be hugged by you.
After all these years, I still remember. And there are days when I want to kick myself. For not saying YES to one of your many requests. For not allowing you to kiss me, for not being your girl. Even if it wouldn't have lasted, I do know that you did love me because why else would you have put up with me and all the shit that I gave you. Why else would you have written in my yearbook that when I was ready to be with someone to not forget that you were the one that waited the longest.
So, today I think of you. I think of you and wish I knew a way to reach you so just tell you how much you really meant to me.
Maybe someday.
2:01 p.m. - October 08, 2004
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